As I reached 39 a week ago, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the experiences, lessons, and growth that have shaped who I am today. Life is a journey full of twists, turns, challenges, and moments of triumph, and I’ve learned to embrace each moment for what it brings. From my relationships to my career, from sensuality to self-love, and everything in between, these 39 lessons I’ve learned in 39 years are the foundation of the wisdom I carry with me.
Whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s, or beyond, I hope these lessons inspire you to live boldly, love deeply, and pursue the life that brings you joy and fulfillment. Here are the 39 most important lessons I’ve learned.
Sensuality & Sexuality
- Don’t be shy to discover your body.
Understanding your body is key to building confidence and embracing your sensuality. A great way to do this is to get naked and look in the mirror, appreciating the natural beauty of your body. If this feels like too much at first, you can take smaller steps toward body discovery, which will be mentioned in other lessons. These can be great tools to start with. - Embrace your sensuality.
Discovering your body is an essential step toward embracing your sensuality. Sensuality is a powerful part of who you are, and it’s important to understand what it means. Sensuality is about experiencing pleasure through your senses and allowing yourself to be fully present in those moments. It’s more than just sexuality—it’s about touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound. Embracing this helps you connect deeply with yourself and others. - Dance, dance, dance.
Dance is one of the best ways to express yourself and feel sensual. Especially learning exotic dance forms like pole dance, lap dance, and chair dance can help you embrace your body in a whole new way. These forms of dance not only make you feel empowered but also offer a physical workout that connects you with your sensuality. - Sexy dance fitness is a type of fitness.
Sensual fitness routines like lap dance and chair dance offer both physical and emotional benefits. Some movements are challenging bodyweight exercises that improve strength and flexibility. Beyond physical fitness, this type of workout is great for your mental health, too. The key is enjoying what you’re doing, which enhances both the mental and physical benefits of exercise. - If your relationship becomes boring, learn how to lap dance.
Keep the passion alive by introducing new ways to connect intimately with your partner. Lap dance can be a great way to fire things up and reignite that spark. While this can be a short-term solution to spicing things up, it’s important to look at the relationship dynamics as a whole for long-term solutions. But for a quick boost, this is a fun and effective way to get rid of boredom. - Success, feeling sexy, and being attractive is something you work for, not necessarily a given thing.
Confidence and sensuality come from effort, self-care, and self-love. When I was younger, I used to think certain girls were just “it girls” who had everything figured out, and it came naturally to them. But over time, I learned that much of this comes from self-work. Understanding your passions, what makes you feel beautiful, and what activities help you feel successful requires effort. Working with a therapist, counselor, or mental health professional is invaluable for this journey. Self-work on both body and mind is essential to truly feel sexy and confident.
Confidence & Empowerment
- Live boldly, you only live once.
Take risks, step outside your comfort zone, and live without regret. It’s important to take risks because those are the moments that build confidence. Even if things don’t turn out perfectly, the feeling that you tried, that you did something on your bucket list, or faced your fears, can eliminate the fear. It’s not a good feeling to live with fear, but by living boldly, you take away its power. While this isn’t easy for everyone, there are lessons that will help you take those risks in life. - Getting in shape starts with self-love.
Fitness begins with appreciating your body and taking care of it because you love it. How many times have I heard people say, “Once I lose a few pounds, I’ll love myself more”? That’s not the right mindset. It’s crucial to recognize and celebrate the things you love about yourself right now. This self-love will give you more confidence and peace of mind, which is vital for achieving your fitness goals. Getting in shape isn’t just a physical process—it’s deeply connected to your mental well-being. - You can only pay attention to others if you’re paying attention to yourself first.
This lesson has evolved into a deeper understanding: you can only genuinely care for others when your own needs are met. If you neglect your basic needs—whether emotional, physical, or mental—the attention you give to others won’t be fully genuine. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself first; it’s essential for building stronger, healthier relationships. - You don’t have to be in perfect shape to date and go out.
How many times have I heard people say, “Once I lose a few pounds, I’ll start dating or going out”? This mindset holds you back from living fully. If someone doesn’t appreciate you with a few extra pounds or while you’re still working on your body, they aren’t the right person for you. A person who truly values you will appreciate the effort you’re putting into yourself, not just the end result. Being around someone who focuses on the superficial will only breed insecurity—and that’s not what you deserve. - You don’t have to figure out everything before 40.
There’s no deadline for figuring out life. You can start a business after 40, pursue a new profession, or even change your career path entirely. It’s important to work on financial independence and savings—something I started focusing on a little later in life around age 36 or 37. While it’s never too late to start saving, the earlier, the better. Even if you’re 45, 55, or 60, start now! Confidence often comes after 40, when you’ve lived long enough to know what works for you and what doesn’t. Don’t feel pressured by timelines. - Being vulnerable makes you stronger, not weaker.
Embracing vulnerability allows you to connect on a deeper emotional level, making you more resilient in the long run. It takes a lot of courage to be open, to cry, and to show your emotions. I find it frustrating that the media often portrays women who never cry or show emotion as “strong.” In reality, crying and showing vulnerability aren’t signs of weakness—they’re signs of strength. It’s not just healing for your mind and body, but it also takes immense courage to open up. That’s true power. - Try things that you are scared of.
Fear is not a good advisor—it often holds you back from growth. While it can be difficult to break free from fear, it’s essential to challenge yourself to step into the unknown. Even if it’s just small steps, these moments are the ones you’ll remember and take confidence from. As with living boldly, these experiences will shape you. And even if you decide to step back later, you won’t return to the same place—you’ll have grown and learned valuable lessons from the experience. Trying new things doesn’t have to mean permanent change, but it will always bring new insights and confidence. - Make changes for a better life every day, even under difficult circumstances.
Even when life is hard—whether you’re in a small apartment, lacking money, or living in a place without access to great amenities—you can still improve your life. Take the example of exercise: you don’t need a gym or a park to work out. You can exercise in a small space, go for a run, or do bodyweight exercises. These small changes, like prioritizing your health, are simple to understand but incredibly powerful. It’s about not giving up on progress, even when circumstances are tough. - Never give up on your main values for the sake of peace with someone.
It’s tempting to want to be liked by everyone—I know because I’ve been there. I love being liked, and for a long time, I was willing to sacrifice my values just to maintain peace or approval from others. But that never felt good afterward. You have to remember how it feels when you compromise your values, and use that as a reminder to stay true to yourself. Saying no doesn’t have to mean conflict. It’s about standing firm while still maintaining peace and respecting your own boundaries. - Not every fight is worth the fight.
Just because you disagree with someone doesn’t mean you have to engage in a fight. Often, we fight because we want the other person to understand our perspective and see why we’re right. But being right isn’t always necessary. Sometimes, walking away from a conflict is the more peaceful and powerful option. By walking away, you assert your values without needing to prove anything. You can maintain your peace without needing to “win” every argument. - Have a life before you are a wife.
I heard this from Beyoncé, and it resonates deeply. It’s crucial to build a fulfilling, independent life before committing to a long-term relationship. This doesn’t mean everything in your independent life has to be perfect by the time you get married, but it’s important to have something to rely on in case the relationship changes. By having your own passions, goals, and stability, you ensure that you’re not entirely dependent on your relationship for your sense of identity or happiness. - If you have a hater, that means you are on the right path to success.
Hateful comments can be hard to deal with—especially for me, since I was bullied in school. When I first started my social media journey, I would react very emotionally to hate. But over time, I learned to keep moving forward. It’s important to understand that hateful criticism isn’t the same as constructive criticism. Haters often target you because you’re making an impact, and that’s a sign you’re on the right path. Don’t let it hold you back—success often comes with some form of resistance. - When you get criticism, listen first.
This lesson is more about constructive criticism, which can offer valuable insights if you’re willing to listen. The key is to assess who is giving you the feedback and what their intentions are. If the person has knowledge or experience you can learn from, and if their intentions are good, it’s worth taking their advice seriously. Even though it’s hard to hear, constructive criticism can be a stepping stone for growth. However, make sure to distinguish between constructive feedback and hateful comments—only the former can help you improve. - Don’t worry too much about what other people think. In 10 years, you won’t even remember them.
Whether it’s the rude person at the grocery store or someone who cut you off on the road, these small negative interactions aren’t worth worrying about. In the grand scheme of things, you won’t remember these people or these moments. Even in bigger situations, like conflict with a colleague at work, in 10 years, their impact on your life will likely fade. Focusing on the long-term perspective helps you let go of the stress from minor conflicts.
Dating & Relationships
- Only consider guys who show investment in you.
There’s a big difference between interest and investment. A guy may show interest in you, but that could be just about a short-term fling or a physical connection. Investment means that he spends time with you and on you—wanting to get to know who you are, where you come from, your family, your goals, and why you do what you do. Only consider men who are invested in you as a person, not just those who are temporarily interested. - You don’t have to get physical on the first dates.
It took me a long time to learn this. As a passionate and emotional woman, I’ve experienced strong chemistry early on, and when things got physical too soon, I often found myself more emotionally attached than I expected. For women especially, though not exclusively, it’s common to become emotionally invested through physical intimacy. That’s why it’s important to take the time to build an emotional connection before diving into physical intimacy. - Don’t go after guys who don’t show interest.
This lesson is tied to lesson 21. If a guy isn’t showing interest, don’t chase after him. As we say in Hungary: “If a bus doesn’t pick you up, wait for the next one.” There will always be another opportunity, and it’s not worth your time to pursue someone who isn’t pursuing you. - A relationship won’t make you more desirable.
This is especially true for younger people in their teens and twenties, who might think that being in a relationship will validate them or make them more desirable. While being in a relationship can boost confidence, true self-worth and desirability are independent of your relationship status. It’s something you need to understand and cultivate within yourself. By the time you reach your late thirties or forties, you’ll have a much better grasp of why you are desirable, both inside and out. It’s not a relationship that defines that—it’s your understanding of your own worth. - Pay attention to your personality and needs, and date based on that.
When creating a dating profile or going on dates, be clear about your needs and what you want. This isn’t about sounding good or fitting someone else’s expectations—it’s about being authentic. Being direct and honest about your personality, values, and what you’re looking for helps you avoid wasting time and disappointment. It may take time to figure out exactly what you want from a relationship, but once you do, make sure you’re dating based on those needs, and you’ll avoid mismatched partners who don’t understand or appreciate you. - Things won’t stay difficult forever, keep working.
Even if you’re in a difficult phase—whether it’s in relationships, work, or life—keep putting in the effort. When you continue to work through tough times, you gain experience and learn valuable lessons that help you grow. Relationships can go through rough patches, but perseverance, effort, and the lessons you learn will help you evolve and create stronger bonds, both personally and professionally.
Healthy Lifestyle
- You don’t have to completely cut out sugar and carbs.
Balance is key in nutrition. You can still enjoy treats without needing to follow extreme restrictions. In my twenties, different diets were all the rage, especially in health and fitness magazines. I’d often tell myself, “Starting tomorrow, I’m cutting out all sugar and carbs,” but it never worked. Completely eliminating the things that bring you joy, even if overindulging in them can be harmful, often sets you up for failure. Instead, it’s better to minimize them rather than cutting them out entirely. You can still create a healthy diet and lifestyle without extreme measures. - Measure your calorie intake.
The best diet advice I can give is to pay attention to your calorie intake. Whether your goal is to lose a few pounds or maintain your current weight, it’s important to understand your daily calorie needs and work within them. This simple approach can help you stay consistent with your goals without feeling deprived. - Drink 8 glasses of water every day.
Water is essential—not only for staying in shape but also for achieving glowing skin, better health, and improved brain function. Drinking enough water is one of the foundations of a healthy lifestyle. Whether it’s for weight management, digestion, or energy levels, staying hydrated plays a critical role. Make it a priority to drink eight glasses of water every day. - Start weight training after the age of 30, latest.
Strength training is essential for maintaining muscle mass, a healthy metabolism, and especially healthy bones as you age. Even if you’re not a fan of the gym (and trust me, I’m not the gym type either), you can start small by doing some weight training at home. There are plenty of online resources, like YouTube videos, that guide you through basic weight training routines you can do from the comfort of your home. This form of exercise becomes even more important as you get older.
Success & Personal Growth
- You don’t have to have the perfect life to make changes.
Change can happen at any time. Don’t wait for perfection to start improving your life, because perfection isn’t going to knock on your door. Life is something you work towards, and small changes are often what lead to bigger, more significant shifts. You may not reach a “perfect life,” because I don’t believe that truly exists, but you can certainly create a much better life than the one you had before. Waiting for everything to be perfect before you act will keep you stuck, so make those small changes now, and the bigger changes will follow. - Traveling and living abroad will broaden your mind.
Exposure to different cultures and environments helps you grow mentally, emotionally, and personally. It fosters self-understanding and self-awareness, which are key for personal development. It also teaches you to be open-minded, which is critical for success and embracing change. I’ve lived abroad, and it really expanded my perspective. Being open-minded is something I’m still working on—it’s a continuous process—but it’s essential for growth. When someone wants to share something, listen, because you never know what you might learn. - Build financial independence.
Financial independence is key to living life on your own terms. Ideally, this should start as early as possible—right out of high school, college, or even earlier if needed. But no matter your age, it’s never too late to start. If you’re 55 or older and are just starting now, that’s perfectly okay. The earlier, the better, but starting now is what’s important. It’s about creating a foundation for yourself so you can live freely and make decisions that align with your personal values and goals. - Learning is a lifelong process.
Never stop learning and growing. I began pursuing a dance major at the age of 36, which is usually something people start very young. But learning doesn’t have an expiration date. I met a guy in his 60s who had worked in finance, and he decided to pursue a dance major. Now he’s working on a music major. As long as your brain is functioning, there’s always more to learn and explore. Keep studying, keep challenging yourself, and stay curious. - Never give up on your real-life goals.
Stay persistent in pursuing what truly matters to you. Life will throw obstacles in your way, but the most successful people are those who refuse to give up. Even when progress seems slow or you’ve hit a wall, remember that perseverance is key to achieving your dreams. - Learn the art of walking away.
Knowing when to walk away is a powerful skill. This doesn’t just apply to toxic relationships but also to heated situations that aren’t worth your peace of mind. Sometimes, walking away from an argument or confrontation makes a bigger statement than engaging in it. I’ve had situations with disrespectful customers while working as an exotic dancer, where walking away was the best way to protect my peace. It’s about choosing peace over conflict and recognizing when something isn’t worth the fight. - Live your dreams, not your parents’ dreams.
If I had listened fully to my parents, I’d probably still be in Hungary working an unfulfilling accounting job, maybe even in a marriage that didn’t align with my true desires. Your parents’ dreams for you might come from a place of love, but they are often reflections of their own experiences or what they wish they had done differently. Growing up means understanding that your path is unique, and it’s important to break away from those expectations and follow what you’re passionate about. Your dream is what will bring you fulfillment—not theirs. - Stop focusing too much on the past and future.
As someone who is naturally inclined to plan for the future, I’ve learned that life doesn’t always go according to plan. It’s important to break down big goals into smaller, achievable milestones, especially over the course of a year, rather than focusing too far ahead. What you think might happen in five years could change dramatically, so be flexible and make the most of your present circumstances. Focusing too much on the past or future takes away from living fully in the now. - Don’t worry about time passing, just live your best moments.
Time moves quickly, but constantly worrying about how much time is passing robs you of joy. I started to feel this way when I turned 34, thinking I was approaching middle age. But instead of worrying about time, focus on enjoying life now, making the most of the present. Live boldly and with no regrets—time will pass, but how you live now is what truly matters.
Summary
Turning 40 has given me the chance to reflect on the lessons I’ve learned throughout my life. From building confidence in your sensuality to understanding that relationships, growth, and even success come with effort, these 39 lessons reflect a lifetime of experience, self-discovery, and self-care. Whether it’s learning the art of walking away, embracing your body, or taking risks that challenge your fears, the essence of living well comes down to balance, authenticity, and persistence. Life isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up for yourself every day, embracing the unknown, and allowing yourself to grow into the person you’re meant to be. Don’t let fear hold you back from living boldly, loving yourself fully, and experiencing all the joy life has to offer.